I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.