And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
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I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive