i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.