I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.