I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.