you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
