I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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