I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
