I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
