yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
