I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize