I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
