Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
