I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
