Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
