I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
