Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
