I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
