just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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