I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
