Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
