The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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