Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
