it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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