so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
