I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
