wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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