Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
