I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Terrible idea I love it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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