Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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