eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My boob is missing a layer of skin
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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