id be glad to
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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