Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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