AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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