Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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