He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
