You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just forgot I was standing up.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
