we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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