everyone is single if you try hard enough
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
