I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
