I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
