my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
