Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize