Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
