I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i now understand why vodka
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
