he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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