Kareoke will never be a sober sport
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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