Will you blow on my dice?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
