I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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