I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
