Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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