I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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