So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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