woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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