So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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