i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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