nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
