if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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