i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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