your room smells of hookers.
And success
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
