To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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