you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Come see our sink grown plant.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
