Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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