Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
