And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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