I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
