Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
