I just saw a hot homeless man
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
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i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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