I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
