I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
