i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
