A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
