Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
