3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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