Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
