i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
