someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This is classic penis vs brain.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
