how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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