I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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