Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
